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Rhode Island
Discovery The state was found on the back of an early Sears' catalog. An industrious youth cut out the pattern and laid it flat on the ground of his home in Taxachusetts. Settlers on the cut-out claimed it was a new land and begain to vote against God and for the Democrats. History Rhode Island is a small island about the size of Qatar. It was formed a while back when no one decided to claim it. The area was quickly settled by people seeking strict religious freedom. The capital city of Quahog was founded by Griffin Peterson, who had been exiled to America by King Stewart. The king later gave Peterson control over Quahog after Peterson beat him in a talent show. A myth was later created that said that Quahog was founded by Miles “Chatterbox” Musket with the assistance of a magical talking clam. No one really cares about Rhode Island. Which is fine by Rhode Island, because Rhode Island doesn't give a damn about you. If it did, it'd still be part of Taxachusetts Achieving Statehood Rhode Island achieved statehood after winning the title back in 1948 in an all out wrestling match. They have been an undisputed part of the 50 states of America ever since then. Rumor has it that Puerto Rico and The Dominican Republican may be challenging Rhode Island for their statehood in 2008. Rhode Island Today Corrupt politicians, fecal covered education system, absolutely no jobs, and plenty of clam chowder. Rhode Island Landmarks * A farm * The big blue bug * Fresh eggs * Several Wal-Mart * Several thousand Dunkin' Donuts' Famous Rhode Islanders *Peter Griffin - Homer Simpson's fat cousin. *Seth McFarlane - Second funniest man in America (after Stephen Colbert) as voted by no one. *Richard Hatch - a noted homosexual who terrorized America by flaunting his naked body on Survivor *David Cicilline - the state's only gay mayor of Providence. Plans to be governor in 2012. Stated on Wikipedia. *Buddy Cianci - has his own tomato sauce and ran Providence with a lit cigarette in the face on any opponent. Out-Mayor this, other 49 states. *James Woods - the best actor to come out of Rhode Island since Rhode Island discovered that is wasn't an island, and that there is no such thing as a 'rhode.' *The Farrelly Bros. - Acclaimed film directors at the forefront of Rhode-Island Government. Noted for such classics as "There's Something About Mary," Dumb and Dumber," "Me, Myself & Irene," as well as "Comedian Stalks Random Girl And Runs Into Cam Neely Whilst Pretending To Be Disabled." A Typical Day in Rhode Island This entails walking out to your back yard. Now it is a typical day in Taxachusetts. Strange Laws In Rhode Island Anyone refusing to speak the native tounge (English) and refer to the state as Roe Dyelin will be shipped off to Gitmo. First enacted into law when license plates were first printed, Rhode Island owns the Ocean. Suck it, Atlantis. External Links Charitable Organizations in *Rhode Island will finally end centuries of racism